It’s been a tough week, for obvious reasons, and it seems I’ve exchanged one weight for another. I will never forget what happened to me 26 years ago and, likewise, I will never forget your outpouring of support. I never wanted to be called a “victim”. I made choices as a young person that will haunt me all of my living days.
But there is a certain sadness in hearing all of the stories of unspoken abuse that continue to pour into my email account and across social networks. It seems there is no safe harbor.
My abuser has been fired by the school district he worked for. It was never my aim to bring harm to the students I’ve never met. But at the end of the day, I could not be certain that the abuse had ended. I will carry the guilt of not coming forward sooner for a very long time.
My heart is heavy today. I have not left the house or eaten. I’m still looking for “home”, in search of peace.
So if this message finds you in a place where you felt you did not have the courage to speak up, I add my voice to yours. See something, say something. Do something.
My decision to “out” my abuser did not come easy. Hindsight is 20/20. Maybe there was another way. I took the only path I knew.
And so, I am alone with myself… Negotiating rough waters. But I stand by this: Speak truth even if your voice shakes.
I am shaking now, opening a new chapter of unknowns, sure that I did the right thing. My faith sustains me. It is the only help I know.
Today, as I pray for the victims of sexual abuse, I need you to pray for me.
Peace, be still.
-Goldie
Good afternoon, Goldie;
I am a fan of your work on MSNBC among other places. I was heartbroken to learn what happened to you. Be assured you will be in the thoughts and prayers of those who see you in a professional sense as well as those whose lives who you enrich with your views from the political arena to the funny everyday tales.
Sincerely,
Michael F. Paul
Hindsight is 20/20, yes. I recommend ‘kindsight’, because you deserve nothing less. You are doing the best you can, and you always have. Whatever choices you have made to survive and move forward were the right ones. You have done nothing wrong.
I am praying you find peace, sooner rather than later, and hoping that you have a good support person or system to help you on your journey.
You have inspired and empowered more people than you will ever know. Wishing you much love, strength, and peace.
Goldie, Never question what yourself. You did the right thing. You did what you had to do for yourself and other possible victims. My family has suffered greatly from an abuser. My niece went through 14 years of abuse from her father, my brother. She finally outed him after he was caught abusing a friend of her sisters. It literally destroyed our family for a long time. We are finally beginning to recover. What you did is a gift to all of us. The reason sexual abuse is so prevalent is that very few people have the courage to expose the abusers.
So thank you.
Ellen Taylor
Thank you and God bless and keep you. I will be praying for you….
Peace be with you, Goldie.
You may not know at this point what’s on this strange new path you find yourself stumbling upon, but know that you will be wiser for having taken it. You may never know how many seeds you’ll plant along your journey, but you can be assured that some will take root. You may pick up a few scars and bruises, but you’ll have new tales to tell.
I speak as the adult child of a whistleblower (dad – nuclear power plant, blacklisting, death threats, etc.). Sometimes the “endgame” is amorphous, “victory” is partial or incomplete or denied, personal consequences bleak, but you soldier on… because it’s the right thing to do. Along the way, someone might just notice what “doing the right thing” looks like and be inspired to do the same.
Pay it forward. Peace be with you, Goldie. Don’t waste a minute more than you must on beating yourself up. Don’t rope-a-dope, it’s time to throw left hooks.
You are stronger than you know. You will find peace when you can finally let your pain go. He is in your past and you have moved on to bigger and better things. Don’t let your pain get you down or he will win. Feel the strength your friends give you and add it to your own.
Peace be with you.
You are the kind of person that evokes respect, friendship, humor, affection, loyalty, thought, commitment, because these are your super powers and we all aspire to have them. These flow from your core. Your character calls and will call extraordinary people to your side, extraordinary opportunities to your life, tomorrow, just as they have before. We see through a glass darkly as to what you will become as you walk through this fire, but who you are is power and grace, compassion and courage, and these strengths will carry you to the far side. Of that I have no doubt.
I heard your compelling interview this morning on the St. Louis radio. You did the right thing! I want you to know that.
Never question a decision that you’ve made. Never doubt yourself. This is what you felt you needed to do at the time for your well being. You kept the secret living as a whisper within your soul long enough. It was time for it to live out LOUD. I commend you on your strength and your courage for breaking the silence. By being the authentic you, I know that you have inspired many others who have lived in silence to speak out also. God Bless You.
Greetings Ms. Taylor,
Thank you really isn’t enough but I sure hope you feel the energy behind those two words. I send you peace and strength during this time. I can only imagine the memories you have, that keep haunting you. No one needs to tell you – you did the right thing for you know this already but as I wrote in an email to you, I stand on the foundation to fight against sexual abuse for all, not just women/girls/teenagers.
We need to let our children know there is no fear in truth and that protection will always be provided no matter what “they” say.
Love Always to you my sister.
Keli
I don’t know if removing a predator from unlimited access to young students constitutes doing them harm.
Had you spoken before, you may have just brought a destruction on yourself and helped no one.
It was you who parlayed your intelligence and perspective into the strong voice you are using and we are benefiting from right now.
It was time for you- and time for America.
You’ve already changed the national conversation- one which is already challenging the culture of male privilege which has kept women, and men from speaking out.
Your relatively recent national celebrity has amplified your
voice- your flooded inbox is testament to the power of the impact of your voice.
Hindsight being 20/20, would your revelation have impacted us all so irrevocably without the perfect storm of dovetailing sexual scandals? Last year?
You earned your strength- and are sharing it now- when it’s come to it’s fruition- now is when God moved you to speak-
Maybe we can all build that sanctuary by changing the way society views the victims- and forcing the blame where it belongs.
You are helping us to become the change we want .
Sufficient unto the day-
And these have been very very rough days for you.
Look to tomorrow-
I disagree with the first statement of this. “I don’t know if removing a predator from unlimited access to young students constitutes doing them harm.” Actually the public nature of the accusation definitely disrupted my entire school as well as our sports team. Our whole community is stunned and shocked, a simple notification or warning would have been welcomed, instead the School and athletes had to find via twitter. Students not only been removed from class and questioned but attended several meetings about this allegation. Furthermore what did these sessions of questioning of over 60 athletes result in, nothing. These allegations happened 27 years ago, don’t just assume Sullivan is continuing these supposed actions. If those allegations prove true, I agree that he should be punished, however; believing these allegations “saved” young girls he coached such as myself deeply bothers me because I believe that none of my teammates or myself were in potential harm in anyway. I don’t not say this simply because of supposed loyalty to my coach but in complete honesty. I responded to this because none of us were in danger at anytime and if something had happened, which it did not, an athlete from my school would have had the courage to speak up.
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Gods continued blessings on you. Put down your feelings of guilt, you did this in your time, the right time.
stay strong and remember that, the Word is GOD is GOOOOOD for the SOUL and we as a people can over come all things in the NAME OF JESUS , so i stand in spiritual agreement, that u over come the BAD and LOVE the GOOD
Dear Ms. Taylor,
I listened to your interview with Tom Joyner this morning, and cried in traffic because I heard and felt your pain. I have been trying to reconcile my whole life for the sexual abuse that I suffered repeatedly since I was 5 years old. My heart goes out to you and I love you for speaking up for all of us. I helped my sister prosecute my father when we were teenagers for sexually abusing her and we have been outcasts for all of our lives. I just wrote two poems based on my pain and I want to share with you. May God give you peace and joy through your pain. Below are the poems:
I CRIED
How was the little 5 year old girl supposed to know
That the man in the front seat of the car was wrong,
When he put his finger into her pocket book,
I felt shame and confusion…then I cried.
How was the 7 year old girl supposed to know
That the man who broke into the house was wrong,
When he raped her repeatedly and then told her he would kill her family,
He killed his wife, I was scared…then I cried.
How was the 11 year old homeless girl supposed to know
That the man who tried to drag her into his car, but she got away,
Would vow to exact revenge, did with the help of two girls
Rape and beat the little girl while her menstrual cycle was on,
Then my whole soul died…and I cried.
How was the same 11 year old girl to know the pain
When her father parted her legs to fondle her cookie jar,
But the ultimate betrayal sent the girl into a rage,
And the father denied his crime… then I cried furiously.
How was the same 11 year old girl to know that she would be
Set up by her father to be raped and abused when he told men,
That his daughter was ruined and available to be used,
Then one day when they were alone, he admitted it… kill him I tried.
How was the girl to know that she would have to fight for her little sister’s honor
When her father continued his reign, her sister revealed that father
Had been violating her for years, our mother admitted history was repeating itself
And the prosecutor prevailed, our dignity was restored…and we cried.
How was the girl suppose to survive the hurt and shame
That comes with the dirty secrets that men forced her to keep,
So that she could walk among others without fear or hate
And learn to live and love, but throughout my life, I’ve lived and I’ve cried.
© Jacquelynn, Singer/Songwriter – 11-18-11
The AWFUL SILENCE
There is an awful silence that exists
In the soul of a child that suffers,
From the shame and indignity
Of the loss of innocence.
There is an awful silence that exists
When the adults in a child’s life,
Won’t listen to the confession
That something terrible has happened to them.
There is an awful silence that exists
When that child looks at themselves,
And hates their very existence and life
Because they are forced to relive the horrible event.
There is an awful silence that exists
When the walls of life are falling down around them,
Because they can’t understand how the
Pedofile reconciles their cruel acts upon the innocent.
There is an awful silence that exists
When the world fails to see that the victim,
Would rather not have to carry the burden
Of the scarlet letter or the veil of disgrace.
There is an awful silence that exists
When the only peace for the abused is drugs and alcohol,
It is time for the suffering to end
And for the abuser to stop being a coward.
The awful silence must be penetrated
And justice must prevail for the violated,
The time has come for shouting and proclaiming
Victory over the enemy that has stolen our joy!
© Jacquelynn, Singer/Songwriter – 11-18-11
Thanks for listening and being there for all of us!
Goldie,
As I listened to you speak about your youth here in the STL on the news and radio, openly discuss the feelings that you felt as a 16 year old my heart went out to you and many of our sisters that have walked in similar shoes.
As a licensed therapist in St. Louis, MO. with a private practice for only women & adolescent girls and a founder of a non-profit organization that focuses on building self-awareness and empowerment in girls many girls blame themselves. What you have done is become a voice for the classroom, tv media, radio and most importantly our community! WE hear you loud and clear and WE applaud you tremendously. Our organization is called SistaKeeper Empowerment Center, and you are a TRUE SISTAKEEPER! Thank you for allowing us to experience your pain, and the peace of mind you must have letting go, so that our sisters can grow! Blessings to you on your journey and may your healing process begin!
Namaste,
Tracie Berry-McGhee, M.Ed., LPC
You wil be forever in the prayers of my family and the young people her in St. Louis who have no idea on how to counter the horrible feeling of being abused and how to deal with the issue in their adult life. Coincidently, I’m working on a proposal/program geared towards treating the abused and educating at-risk adolescents and men; and preserving the families. Hope my friends feel your heart!